you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize