the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I could make wine with my vomit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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