I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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