Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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