yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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