One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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