I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
