Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
