I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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