Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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