you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
