i may or may not be watching the land before time
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
