a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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