Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
