This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
