its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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