$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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