Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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