I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
