Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
