I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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