Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
No subtext here. People are naked.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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