Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
