It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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