My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
