please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
