i always forget guys have bellybuttons
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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