Having a random hookup so left but love u
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
