Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
