I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
