im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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