yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
