Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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