Jerry, you need to find god
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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