and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
