Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
