well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
