Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
