she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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