i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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