That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize