I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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