dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
