I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
