my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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