I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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