Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
