there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
