The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize