It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
