Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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