Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
