There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
