You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
