In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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