Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
