Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
