mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize