There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
