I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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