So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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