I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize