I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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