is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
