I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize