Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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