i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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