It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
