it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
