one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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