i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
