nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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