garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
