well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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